Sunday was one of those perfect days in Cape Town.
Especially if you were in Kirstenbosch and ready for another lesson from KBU—the KirstenBosch University of Life. (Reflecting on the lesson turned out to be a double-period!)
I wanted to show my ‘classmate’ of the day how pollination works in Strelitzias, the ‘bird of paradise’. Both the male and the female parts are tucked away inside the ‘beak’ of the flower. Insects cannot reach there, so pollination depends on the sunbird.
A bird lands on the ‘beak’ and its weight opens the flower. Pollen sticks to the bird’s feet and chest. When it visits the next flower, some of the pollen rubs off on the stigma, and voila, pollination is done.
But the first flower I wanted to demonstrate this with did not open, no matter how hard I pushed down on it.
I shouted at it – no response.
I gave it a motivational talk – no response.
I pleaded with it – no response.
We gave it up for a bad job and moved on to find a more cooperative flower.
There are two buckets in life:
- What you can control → your thoughts, your choices, your actions, your judgments.
- What you cannot control → other people, the weather, your reputation, your health (at least ultimately), the past, the outcome of your efforts.
Everything falls into one of these two. Trouble starts when we confuse the buckets.
Would you agree that when we think we can change anything that is not in our control, we can end up being a very unhappy person?
Rather than shouting, threatening and spreading motivational mantras, hoping for what we want, is it not better to willingly accept what is, and move on?
The universe does what it does—storms, setbacks, death, insults. We don’t get to write the script for the play. But we can play our role well, whatever it is.
For today: Reflect on the past week or two. Is there anything you tried to control but it was not in your control? E.g. what other people think of you and say about you. Or the behavior of a child or friend.
How would willingly accepting it have influenced your thoughts and actions?
For the week ahead: Instead of only planning for what you hope will happen, deliberately imagine what could go wrong—and get ready for it.
Pick one event from your calendar that has moving parts outside your control (a big meeting, a presentation, travel, family obligation).
Ask: “What could realistically go wrong here that I can’t control?”
- Someone cancels at the last minute.
- Technology fails.
- The mood in the room is sour.
- Traffic makes you late.
Then ask: “What would a wise response look like?”
- Stay calm, reschedule quickly.
- Deliver without slides if needed.
- Don’t take the room’s energy personally; stick to the message.
- Have a podcast or audiobook queued so traffic becomes useful time.
Write one line: “If X happens, I’ll respond with Y.”
Have a fun, – and in-control – week!